Malice Valentine
by Little-Devil-Doll
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, Goku is making some chocolates for a special someone...Chapter 7 UPDATED
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: (Full Disclaimers at the end) Gensoumaden Saiyuki is the copyright and property of its creator and legally associated parties. Used without permission. Not for profit.  
  
Author's Note  
  
Hi all~ this is a first saiyuki fic written by me coz I just adore the characters of Saiyuki ~ I have another pen name which is Kaisuki~ Please feel free to e-mail me as to regards to this fic.~ Special thanks to Ameko and Shazaluca for your kind support and help~  
  
Enjoy~  
  
Little Devil Doll ^_^  
  
Malice Valentine  
  
Chapter 1-Introduction {In the Kitchen}  
  
"What the hell happened to the both of you!!! " Sanzo shouted at the two dishevelled flour-faced Goku and Gojyo. (Hakkai smiling sweetly as ever at the side, holding groceries in his hands).  
  
"He started it!" both pointing at each other. At a moment later, Goku looking more guilt-stricken than ever, hanging his head in shame and embarrassment. (So Kawaii)  
  
Sanzo's big white fan slashed out like a lighting bolt and landed heavily on Goku's flour-covered head, causing a puff of white cloud to form. Sanzo coughed and was soon covered with a layer of flour. (Everyone with a sweat drop)  
  
"BAKA.. Stupid Monkey. what were you thinking about wearing that disgraceful, lacy apron and..OH MY GOD!!!!"  
  
Wisps of burning smells engulfed the room as all eyes turned to the stove. The pot on the stove was on fire!!! Everyone, in a moment of stunned reaction, all suddenly raced to put out the fire.  
  
"Dammit monkey, what were you thinking!!! This is not your house. Damn! Damn! Damn! We'll have to compensate the villagers now for that burnt stove" Sanzo clenched his teeth in anger, pointing wildly and hitting with his parched "used-to-be-white" fan at the bowed patchy brown-white-black head with each 'Damn'.  
  
All four were coated with soot and flour after putting out the fire (Hakkai still smiling and Gojyo smoking a cigarette, looking innocent).  
  
"Gomen, Sanzo . Gomen, "  
  
"Clean up the mess and throw away that 'burnt-whatever thing' you were cooking and get me some bathing water.." With that, Sanzo stormed out of the kitchen in anger, leaving the tiny, bent figure convulsing in silent sobs and tears.  
  
(To be continued) 


	2. Dinner in silence

Author's note: Saiyuki's not mine! *runs away crying*  
  
Hi people. sorry for not updating .. SORRY~ Ameko for all my punctuations etc. T_T Special thanks to all those who reviewed. ^_^ keep the reviews rolling ~  
  
This is the new edited chapter 2. TA~DA~  
  
Chapter 2- Dinner in Silence  
  
{During Dinner time} Sanzo stared hard at Goku during dinner. Usually the kid would be gobbling up mountainous amounts of food as much as he can. Today was different, so much different. He was not focusing on his favourite dishes that Hakkai had specially prepared for him. Goku was idling with the food in his hands and he was chewing his food- CHEWING HIS FOOD!!! It was unheard of. Everyone was focused on the little monkey. Even Hakkai was looking solemnly at Gojyo with the Look-What-You-Have-Done look on his face.  
  
Seeing Goku upset and restless like that made Sanzo worried, really worried, and the next thought automatically flashed into his mind "...and whom were the chocolates for?"  
  
A pang of jealousy shot through Sanzo's heart.  
  
Goku stood up and said softly "I have finished my dinner, going outside for a breath of fresh air.."  
  
Taking no notice of everyone's shocked and astonished looks in their faces; Goku strolled out of the lodge in silence. Sanzo turned swiftly and stared suspiciously at Gojyo and said, "You.."  
  
Seeing Sanzo's response, Gojyo smiled rakishly and asked playfully, "Why are you so concerned over Goku? Normally, you scold and beat him with your enormous white fan, so why doncha beat him to his senses like you usually do?"  
  
Taking a large gulp of beer and standing up, Sanzo took out his pistol and pointed it at Gojyo, "Try to say that again."  
  
Hakkai sipped his wine and said in a manner-of-fact tone, "Sanzo, I don't think it's completely Gojyo's fault that Goku is feeling depressed now. I am sure you know what I mean. Don't you think you are involved in this too? After all, Goku only behaved in this way AFTER you hit him with your fan and insulted his burnt chocolates. Oh, we do know that burnt, sticky stuff used to be melted chocolate, don't we?"  
  
Sanzo stared at Hakkai as if the latter had spouted two horns on his head. "What.. are .. you implying?"  
  
Hakkai smiled. "You think it over for yourself. I am sure I do not have to spell it out for you. By the look on your face, I guessed you have already know the answer."  
  
Gojyo leaned on his chair and nodded like a wise sage. "Yes, yes... Even a dimwit knows who is it to be blamed for Goku's behavior."  
  
Sanzo slowly stood up, "You called me a dimwit, Gojyo?" YOU SHALL DIE!" Sanzo cocked his pistol, ready to shoot that offensive mouth off that infuriating redheaded guy.  
  
Gojyo waved his finger from side to side and smiled wickedly. "Tsk tsk tsk, using violence is not always the solution, Sanzo."  
  
"Let me at him!!!!" Sanzo, losing his cool, lunged straight at Gojyo. Hakkai smiled nervously while holding the furious monk back from doing something disastrous.  
  
(To be Continued) 


	3. Under the Stars

Author's note  
  
Saiyuki does not belong to me. etc etc etc. *half dead from pain*  
  
Special thanks to Shazuluca, Ameko and all those wonderful people who reviewed. * tears in my eyes * Really thankful .sorry about English grammar mistakes and all. ME NOT PERFECT. LOL.  
  
Sorry for the late update ~_~  
  
Edited Chapter 3 ~TA~TA~TA~DA~ Enjoy and please review~*flutters eyelashes continuously*  
  
Kaisuki * worming away for food-HUNGRY*  
  
Chapter 3- {Outside the Lodge}  
  
Outside the lounge, Goku heaved a deep sigh and looked at the starless sky. He laid down on the grassy hillside, silently thinking that he was trying really hard to make his feelings known to Sanzo. But with each scolding and beating he got from the blond made him less confident and unsure if his feelings would be accepted.  
  
Today was the lowest that Goku had ever felt. Goku had been traveling with the others for numerous months to the West and, along the way, passed through villages while celebrating different festivities together, experiencing and relishing the strong bond that held the four of them together (although none of them would admit it). Goku's feelings for Sanzo got stronger and stronger as time passed. However, finding new ways to communicate the message plainly to Sanzo was troubling Goku endlessly.  
  
"What day did Gojyo called it? Ahhh, yes, St Valentine's Day," Goku thought, lazily heaving a sigh while reflecting on the recent events.  
  
A few days ago, Gojyo was talking about today being a special day about lovers and friends exchanging and renewing their feelings for each other by presenting chocolates and presents. All the villagers were excited about that day, especially the village girls who have prepared chocolates for their loved ones. Goku thought of telling a certain blond person his feelings on that day and bashfully asked the village girls (who readily helped cute, cute Goku) on how to make chocolate "hearts" for Sanzo.  
  
Goku's frequent meetings with the village girls had led to Sanzo's stern disapproval as he said that they were going to move on their journey and it's best if Goku didn't get fresh with anyone. When Goku heard the news, he wanted to scream loudly at Sanzo that the only person Goku would want to get "flesh" with was Sanzo himself. (My, my, Goku's thinking has really gone awry, and so has mine *grins crazily*) Goku also knew that if the villagers realised that he is a youkai, it would mean serious trouble for the group due to the current crisis of youkai losing their self-control and going on massive human killing sprees, hence the humans, distrust of youkai.  
  
Deciding to make the chocolates a day earlier without anyone's knowing, Goku bought the ingredients with the money he earned secretly by running errands for the village girls two days before Valentine's day. Unfortunately, he had eaten the day before and had fell asleep while eating, and it was only after he woke up later in the afternoon that he realised his mistake and dashed into the kitchen in a hurry to get started in hope that Sanzo and the others were still out to get the supplies ready for their trip.  
  
When Goku put on that embarrassing lacey white apron (a special gift from the villagers) and started to melt the chocolate, Gojyo had returned earlier than the rest and started to make fun at him. Oh, it's all Gojyo's fault when the latter started to mimic how Goku looked and behaved like a blushing girl in front of Sanzo, giving chocolate "hearts". Goku couldn't control his anger then and had flung a bag of flour at the redheaded guy, a fight ensued, and the usual bickering began.  
  
Seeing Sanzo's angry expression was bad enough, but Sanzo's beating had left a burning mark in Goku's heart. Why Sanzo can't understand that the whole "mess" was for him, the lacy apron-wearing was for him, the... "badly burnt-whatever"-chocolates were for him. Goku swallowed a bitter sob and tears cascaded down his cheeks as he hugged his knees. Maybe his affections will never be appreciated by Sanzo. Never, ever to be made known to the only person who set him free from his dreadful imprisoned existence,the only person who he loves and cherish for all eternity.  
  
(To be Continued) 


	4. Goku's Dreamland

Author's note:  
  
Saiyuki does not belong to me. ^ ^  
  
Ok. I have edited Ameko's Chapter 4 proof reading and changed some of my expression.This is the first time that I feel so stressed with the accuracy of the English language.what the heck, it's to make the fic more readable.right, Ameko? Kekeke.this proves that my English sucks BIG time.*sweatdrop*  
  
Special thanks to Ameko, Shazaluca and all those wonderful people who reviewed~ I am so glad that you guys like it.*tears in my eyes* Please continue to review and give comments. this fic lives for your comments and reviews..^_^  
  
As to making the chapters longer, ermm. to be honest, I have done up till chapter 7. thus the only problem is I need to edit them over again.and I have been busy recently.*sheepish smile*  
  
And regards to torturing our cute saru, kekeke. well, let's make Sanzo suffer tooooooo! Ermm.. spoiler spoiler..Y _ Y  
  
So please bear with me, I will try to post the fic up ASAP! *nostrils flared with determination*  
  
Off to edit Chapter 5~~~~~@_@  
  
Kaisuki *dancing madly to the blasting radio*  
  
Chapter 4  
  
{Goku's Dream}  
  
Goku was walking down the dark and gloomy lane, "Where am I?" he wondered. Feeling dazed, he continued to walk down the lane, until he saw ahead of him the village bar that the four of them frequented. It was at that moment when he heard Sanzo's voice shouting at him. "Stop your nonsense, Monkey Boy!"  
  
Goku stopped at his track when he heard Sanzo's voice shouting, he glanced around and peered through the window.  
  
Sanzo was with Hakkai and Gojyo at the bar drinking until someone had caused Sanzo to shout out. Who was the person? Goku leaned closer to have a better look. Sanzo was standing next to a bent, shivering figure and mocking that mysterious person, "Well.. well.. Monkey boy here just told me the greatest joke on Earth.  
  
Goku's heart missed a beat. Did Sanzo just said "monkey boy"? Goku forcefully clung onto to windowsill and stared at an identical reflection of himself kneeling down.  
  
Sanzo gave a smirk and said scornfully, "This lad here tells me that he likes me and now he wants to give me a box of badly burnt chocolates . Well, just for your information, Monkey boy, I am not gay and I don't like burnt chocolates!"  
  
Sanzo flung the box of chocolates directly at Goku's face, the box bounced off and spilled out its content all over the floor.  
  
Goku stared in shock at the scene played out in front of him "What the..." He quickly turned to the replica of himself, crouching down on the floor to slowly pick up the fallen pieces of burnt chocolate with tears glistening on his eyelashes and rolling down his burning cheeks. Bouts of laughter around the bar, people sneering and pointing at him. Even Hakkai and Gojyo were grinning and shaking their heads. They were all mocking him.  
  
"This can't be happening" Goku gasped. "It can't be..." Goku's deepest fears have been confounded, bared to the rawness of flaying doubts. Sanzo has rejected him. Rejected him in the most cruel way. Goku's legs folded as he collapsed on the pavement, as he felt his pain as if as sharp nails slowly pierced into him with each word of Sanzo's rejection.  
  
Goku was crying really bad. "Please, someone... anyone...wake me up... it's not true... it can't be true... that person can't be Sanzo... Sanzo is not that cruel... he is not Sanzo... That man is not Sanzo..." Goku covered his eyes with his hands and sobbed uncontrollably. Then all the sudden, the surroundings started to swirl rapidly until Goku found himself in complete darkness.  
  
"If I am rejected by Sanzo, I couldn't bear it." "Sanzo is a high-ranking priest. He wouldn't want me."  
  
"Sanzo can have anyone he wants."  
  
"I will always be a boy slave to him."  
  
"I can't bear it if he chooses someone else..."  
  
"But the worst of it is that I can't bear to be ignored by him."  
  
"I used to think that I will happy if he's happy, but I have become selfish. I want more."  
  
"No! I will remain silent about my feelings just to be close to him, even if it kills me. Just to keep him forever by my side as a friend, companion, mentor, and master... but never as a lover."  
  
His body relaxed with that final thought, and his dreams faded into nothingness.' 


	5. The Awakening and The Troubled Priest Bo...

*Author's note*  
  
Saiyuki's not mine..T_T  
  
Ok Ok. I got two chapters done together! Ho Ho Ho..and all in the same day too. I just uploaded chapter 4 and now chapter 5 plus 6 together. Is it fast or what!~ Just managed to have some time to spare during lessons.  
  
Special thanks to Ameko, Shazaluca and all those wonderful people who R&R.. Why do you think I always thank the same people? COZ THEY ARE A GREAT SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT~ * fire of determination surrounds the author * HO HO HO!~ (nope, I am no santa claus)  
  
As regards to the short chapter 6, I was running between places and wrote it down~ hee hee . Watch out for Chapter 7, OK~  
  
How is it?? Do you all like it? Please R&R~ Thank you~ thank you~  
  
Kaisuki *tired from editing so much in a day, slammed head on key board and Zzzzzz.. *  
  
Chapter 5  
  
"Oei, Monkey Boy, wake up. It's cold out here and if you wanna freeze, that's fine by me." A muddy, brown boot nudged Goku's shoulder relentlessly. Goku yawned sleepily, then rubbed and blinked his eyes. Trying to focus his sight to look at the disturbing shadow, Gojyo was standing there with a cigarette in his mouth, his beautiful blood crimson eyes focused on Goku questioningly "Oei, Goku, you been crying?"  
  
Goku quickly turned and looked at the grass, hiding his red, swollen eyes away from Gojyo's penetrating stare.  
  
Gojyo took a deep puff from his cigarette and continued speaking. "Hey, I just wanna say that I am sorry for what has happened today, I really didn't mean to get you into trouble-"  
  
"Shut up," Goku replied stonily and ignored Goyjo.  
  
"Hey, I am trying to apologise here."  
  
"........" Silence. Both of them refused to make eye contact, scared to be embarrassed and uncomfortable by what they might see in each other's eyes. The wind blew past them, as if giving a silent encouragement for them to speak up. Goyjo cleared his voice and threw the remaining cigarette butt on to the ground.  
  
"I mean, what do you see in that priest anyway. He drinks, smokes, gambles and plays around with dangerous guns. I meant that.he shoots anything that gets between him and his goals.. That is a very violent person, not your sort anyway, you deserve some one sweet and nice-"  
  
"Gojyo, when someone asked you to shut up, you are supposed to shut up." Goku gritted his teeth, slowly losing his patience with the irritating kappa. He continued to stare intensely at the grass, clenching his fists together as if ready to hit back at any moment.  
  
Gojyo got so pissed and arched his eyebrow in defiance in response to Goku's actions.  
  
"Hey kid, someone just asked me to apologise and save you from freezing your butt outside in this coldness. So get in the lodge and go to bed!" Gojyo replied coldly, grabbing Goku by his collar and dragging him into the lodge. He would not have bothered to look for the little scamp if his secret beloved (~Hakkai~) didn't sweetly request him to.  
  
"What the hell are you doing? Let me go! It's none of your business!" Goku was wildly trying to get loose from Gojyo's iron grip. Gojyo strolled unaffectedly into the lodge and dropped Goku down on the hard concrete floor with a thud.  
  
"Ouch, that hurts, you big Baboon!  
  
Gojyo lifted an eyebrow and stared at Goku skeptically. "Who is calling who a monkey?"  
  
"Hmph! Sex deprived kappa!" Goku muttered.  
  
"Do the both of you care to have a cup of cocoa?" Both eyes turned to the direction of the speaker. Hakkai, holding a kettle and 3 cups, was smiling sweetly as ever.  
  
"Man.. I sure do need a cup," Gojyo said and walked to the table.  
  
Both Gojyo and Hakkai looked at Goku, nodding to the empty chair between the two of them in a silent invitation to join them for a cup of cocoa. Goku sighed and gave in to the temptation of a warm cup of cocoa. As he got himself seated, Hakkai asked nonchalantly while pouring out the cocoa equally into the 3 cups "Goku, were you angry with Sanzo today about the way he treated you?" Goku slumped onto the chair and meekly shook his head. Hakkai sighed soulfully and pressed on for more information from the hurt boy. "Well, both of us here know whom the chocolates were for."  
  
That instant, Goku raised his head in surprise, looking at his two companions from left to right (and vice versa). Gojyo pushed a cup of cocoa to Goku and winked at him "Well, I didn't tell Hakkai. It was a conclusion drawn by Hakkai himself, you see."  
  
"I-... I... " Goku stammered, unsure of what to say next.  
  
Hakkai sipped his hot cocoa and meekly said "The chocolates were for Sanzo, right, Goku?"  
  
Goku, blushing furiously, nodded his head in agreement.  
  
"And you didn't throw away the burnt chocolates, did you?" Gojyo prompted cockily.  
  
Goku, getting redder by the moment, whispered "I hid it in my travelling bag with all my other snacks."  
  
Gojyo smiled smugly and lit another cigarette "Just as I have guessed."  
  
In a serious tone, Hakkai asked gently "Are you planning to tell Sanzo your feelings, Goku?"  
  
Goku, looking so miserable and tormented, replied in a pained voice "You know I can't tell Sanzo my feelings, he will reject me and then ignore me like those people who have confess their feelings for him. I can't bear that heartache, I just can't."  
  
"Have you ever thought that Sanzo may not reject you after all?" Hakkai smiled and took a second sip from his cup.  
  
Goku sighed bitterly. "It's nice of you guys to give me advice and some tint of hope, but I know Sanzo much longer than you guys. He's straight- laced through and through, plus he has his responsibilities as a high- ranking priest to collect the scriptures..."  
  
"Goku, Sanzo is also a hot-blooded man." Hakkai tried to reason to the poor monkey.  
  
"Yes, but doesn't that make it worse? He is a human while I am a youkai. It is impossible between us. It is forbidden love! The kind that is shunned by gods and mankind, and who knows if I will one day lose self-control like the others? I may even kill or hurt anyone of you guys, especially Sanzo. Especially Sanzo..."  
  
"Goku, what if Sanzo likes you, have you ever consider his feelings?" Hakkai asked gently and cupping the lad's cheek gently as a mother would console a child. "He was very concerned about you when you left the dinner table earlier than usual."  
  
"Sanzo, concerned about me??" Raw confusion was clear on Goku's face. The vulnerability in his golden eyes were so clear, so hopeful. But then at an instant, they were quickly dismissed and replaced with a harsh look.  
  
He pushed Hakkai's comforting hand away he made a hasty exit. "I have had enough cocoa for the night. Good night, Hakkai. Good night, Gojyo." Goku ran up the stairs without looking back, knowing that his heart was beating furiously against his ribs.  
  
"Do you think he'll tell Sanzo, Hakkai?" Gojyo draped one arm around Hakkai accidentally, leaning closer to the one that he loved so fervently and yet so secretly. Hakkai froze at the spot. Gojyo then felt that it was too soon to tell Hakkai about his own feelings for the man with so many secrets and sorrow hidden behind that smiling facade. He sighed, released his arm away from Hakkai, and took the empty cups on the table. "I'll wash them. Thanks for making the cocoa, Hakkai. Good night." With that, he strolled away from his beloved, leaving the faint scent of his cigarette brand behind him.  
  
"Good night, Gojyo," Hakkai whispered softly and inhaled Goyjo's scent, secretly wishing that their unique friendship will never end. His glance never left the shadow of the man who saved him and took care of him as a brother. Brothers. was it all to their relationship? With that, Hakkai smiled sadly and glanced at the Goyjo's empty chair.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
{Sanzo's room}  
  
"Stupid Monkey, running around the corridors at this time of the night."  
  
Sanzo was lying on the couch, with a can of beer in his hand and a cigarette in another. Taking a deep gulp from the can, he thought of how much he wanted to fling the half-filled can at that disturbing noises that monkey boy was making.  
  
"Sheesh." Sanzo continued to laze back on the couch. Chocolates. Goku. Apron. Where is the connection? He furrowed his forehead, thinking deeply into the matter.  
  
He had to admit that Goku did look very kawaii in that apron, silly but kawaii. He smirked at that thought. Then a frown marred his forehead. Chocolates for whom? A village girl whom Goku has a crush on? The thought itself was disconcerting to Sanzo, bringing out a kind of bitter-sweet taste to his feelings.  
  
Jealousy. Sanzo straighten up abruptly, cigarette resting on his lips passively, his eyes wider than ever. A confused look was on his face, but it had disappeared as fast as it came. "Why the hell would I be feeling jealous about that stupid monkey, it isn't logical!" He snubbed out his cigarette, took a last gulp of beer, and headed for the bed. "I need some rest, definitely need rest," he mumbled incoherently.  
  
Lying down with his eyes closed, soon Sanzo fell into a deep sleep. 


	6. The Priest's Realization

Author's note:  
  
NORM: Again . Saiyuki not mine!  
  
Hi people~  
  
Sorry for the long wait, I had no time and inspiration for a period of time.. The calamity of the author's block has fallen on me.. ~DRAMATIC FLAIR~ !KABOOM!  
  
Thanks to all who read and reviewed, very very nice of you to do so~ * smiles happily * It was good that you guys enjoyed the fic (It's afterall my very first saiyuki fic).  
  
This chapter has yet to be properly edited therefore is kinda like a draft (I have tried, Ameko. reallly). hope it is not so disappointing for you people~ * prayed hard * (I have tried very very hard and used every ounce of my brain cells to come up with this)  
  
Those "//.//" in the passages that you are about to read are thoughts of characters . just inform you people first.hehhee  
  
Please read and review~ this author needs encouragement to strive on~~~~thank u~  
  
Special thanks to all, reviewers, such as Yuki, Genjo Sanzo, Dark Fox, Namassuki, Chibi Onna, Monophobia, and proof readers such as Ameko and Shazuluca..  
  
~Half buried Devil Doll~ +_+ presents ....~CHAPTER 7~  
  
WARNING: VIOLENT LANGUAGE USED (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)  
  
Chapter 7 - The Priest's Realisation  
  
"OHAIYO!" Goku smiled brightly as he descended from the stairs, "What's for breakfast? I am very hungry!"  
  
"Baka.," Sanzo mumbled while reading the newspaper, "It's already close to 12 noon, your room was locked and why the hell did you wake up so late!"  
  
"Anyway, we already had breakfast without you.Sanzo wanted to set off early, but you were not down yet. Anyway, you took such a long time in coming down that Hakkai went off to double check our supplies" Goyjo snickered with a cigarette in his mouth.  
  
"Gomen, Sanzo.I." Goku, turned sharply to look at Sanzo. He trembled and stumbled to give a logical explanation. He couldn't bear looking at the mirror this morning. He felt totally useless and vulnerable. He just sat up on the bed the whole night as he was extremely restless.  
  
Sanzo looked at Goku's perplexed face and wondered  
  
//What the bloody hell happened to him? His eyes seem to be tired and swollen as if he cried the whole night. Was it because of his burnt chocolates? He didn't have a chance to give them to his special little village lady tramp.is it my fault?//  
  
Sanzo's fists clenched tightly at that thought. Bakasaru  
  
Sanzo waved his hand nonchalantly, "What the fuck, I decided to postpone our trip from another day." He stood up and walk towards the door, "Since we have decided not to set off today, there's nothing more to say. See you idiots tonight!"  
  
Goku widened his golden eyes in shock, "Sanzo! Are you out of cigarettes or beer? I can buy the cigarettes and beer for you! You don't have to go to the village by yourself" Goku stood up and tried to make his way towards Sanzo frantically.  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don't need you to tell me what I can do and what I can't do" Sanzo turned abruptly, narrowed his eyes and shot a bullet at Goku, leaving a slight scratch on Goku's left cheek, which was slowly oozing with little tickles of deep ruby-coloured blood. Goku was stunned at his tracks, unable to comprehend what had just happened.  
  
"Oei. oei, MONK, you are getting out of line!" Goyjo stood up angrily and try to defend Goku. "It's not his fault for waking up late! You said so yourself that we are postponing the trip until tomorrow! Why are you bloody worked up for?!"  
  
//Because I want him so badly that it hurts, I want to hurt him as much as he is hurting me now. Looking at him so upset and pining for somebody is not my cup of tea. He and his stupid charred chocolates! It's all his damn bloody fault! I wanna kill him and his village slut right here right now!//  
  
Sanzo closed his eyes tightly and cupped his face with his free hand, breathing deeply and raggedly at the immerse force of these new thoughts flooding into his mind, engulfing his sanity to fire at his two travelling companions. "Let me be!" With that, Sanzo stormed out of the house in full rage. Goku stared blindly at the empty doorway, unable to feel his legs and collapsed onto the ground like a rag doll. Sanzo left him without a word. He couldn't be even a proper slave to his master, his sun. What use can he be when Sanzo doesn't need him. He stared numbly at the opened door and weakly touched the dripping crimson blood on his face with one hand, feeling his only light and its warm leaving him further and further away.  
  
//Sanzo.If you're gone.from me forever. I will never see the sun.nor be able to live//  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Sanzo stormed out of the house and blindly ran into the route towards the village, as if trying to avoid the inevitable, but the thoughts wouldn't stop flowing through his mind. He staggered along the unpaved street and accidentally knocked into some of giggling (and irritating) village girls who were on their way to distribute their chocolates. He stared at their departing shadows coldly with his amethyst eyes and wondered which of these village hussies got Goku's love.  
  
//A love that never can be mine. //  
  
Sanzo drew a disgusted sigh .He was so shocked at his new found thoughts and feelings. He realised that he LOVES Goku with all his heart, being and soul. When did it happen? When did he allow someone to come so close and important in his heart since his mentor's death? It sucked big time, especially if the feeling was not reciprocated. May that monkey's soul burn in damnation. May all souls burn in hell for all he cared. The monkey loves another, who is he to blame for all this mess.  
  
//No one except yourself, you let him through your fingers and now you have to suffer the consequences.//  
  
Sanzo stumbled and leaned on a nearby tree stump along the river bay, trying to get his breath and rational thought back.  
  
//YOU ARE A LOSER! YOU ARE A PATHETIC PRIEST. A SORRY EXISTENCE FOR A MAN.//  
  
Sanzo took his last cigarette from the pack and lit it. He knew that at that moment, he couldn't control his emotions, especially when he saw sad state Goku was in. He flung the empty pack on the cold hard ground.  
  
//Fuck, I am done for. //  
  
//Anyone I cared about leaves me.No one cares about me. I am a rude, cold, emotionless man.totally unlovable.//  
  
Sanzo closed his eyes tightly and inhaled deeply, thinking about himself for the first time in that manner actually hurt. He flicked the stump of cigarette aside into the river. Eyes downcast to the ground to gather his thoughts and shuddered.  
  
// It will all pass, this must be another trick of that darn goddess. She is always trying to test me and taking me as some kind of freak show for her sordid entertainment.I know what is going on. that sadistic bitch . she is trying to make me lose focus of what I am supposed to do.going to the west to obtain the bloody scriptures. This must be all her doing!//  
  
Combing his blonde hair bangs with his fingers to ease the tension, Sanzo picked himself up from ground and stared coldly at the glittering blue reflection of the river water.  
  
//Darn goddess, you think you can make a mockery of me by playing with my emotions. Well, I'll play along with you, let's see who will have the last laugh//  
  
To be continued ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
End note (some encouragement for comments):  
  
How was it? Too hard to read? Doesn't flow properly?? Cringing away from the grammar mistakes and etc? No good or good? Please give feedback (nicely)~(means that I am very fragile. giggles and flutters eyelashes like a lunatic)  
  
I am making Sanzo suffer abit now.. Just abit.. Wouldn't want to use my full potential~ HO HO HO HO..and to give poor Goku a break from all the heartache. why should Goku suffer alone... SANZO is on my next hit (torture) list _ * Squeaks in delight *  
  
~Devil Doll crawls off to do chapter 8~ 


End file.
